National Poetry Day Challenge

Thursday, 4th October 2012

It's National Poetry Day once again and, as usual, I have offered to write as many poems suggested by the good folks on Twitter today as I can. Both in 2011 and 2010 I received a single request but, thus far, I have a whopping six...so I expect I shall be busy later on.

The first Tweeter to reply was young Donald, a Hibernian fan from Aberdeen. Donald requested a poem in the limerick style about Craig Levein. So, here is, aptly-titled, is Craig Levein Limerick.

 

Craig Levein Limerick

An inept football coach named Levein
Picked ten defenders for his team
When we questioned his style
He replied with a smile
'Eleven would just be obscene!'

Notes for readers:

 

The next poem request of the day - remember it's National Poetry Day today - comes from Danny Pegg, who keeps himself busy being a Writer, Director/Producer, Scholar, Blogger and Dreamer down in the Brighton and Hove Albion area. Danny suggested the rhyme scheme of Alfred, Lord Tennyson's 'Lady of Shalott' mashed up with Science fiction. Presto, bring forth the Asteroids of Doom and quail all ye who believe there is any chance of a giant asteroid hitting the earth. If there was, you would never know, thanks to our quick-acting asteroid-defence squad (that you really shouldn't know about).

 

Asteroids of Doom

Across the heavens they traverse
Self-propelled celestial curse
Blow us up? Or maybe worse?
Asteroids of doom

Quick! Set up a defence laser
Train its beam before stargazers
Echo words of Private Fraser:
'Asteroids? We're doomed!'

Still they cavort across the skies
To their makers, 'cos otherwise
They'll smash and cause this Earth's demise.
Blast or be consumed!

A sleeping world now liberated
Danger swiftly terminated
Nearly all obliterated
By Asteroids of doom

 

I just have time this lunch-time to throw in a quick third poem of this, the National Poetry Day. Our third suggestion comes from 'Datsun Zed' who describes himself as, 'a moaning, cantankerous man who is perpetually freezing. However, I STILL have no tolerance for stupid people.' Which is perfectly fair I think you'll find.

Zed also favours the Limerick structure and asked for one about bus travel in Aberdeen. Living so close to the City Centre and having a good pair of working legs, I don't really make a great deal of use of the city's public transport. When I do, it's often a night bus which is either completely empty or completely full of loud, drunken, sometimes lovely fellers. So, hopefully this (honestly) fictionalised account will tickle you.

 

Bus Travel in Aberdeen

I took the night bus from Garthdee
Having swigged down a bottle of three
When we reached Holburn junction
The driver's compunction
Revealed he was drunker than me

 

After a few hours off to recharge my rhyming batteries I stumble straight into a request that requires no rhyming at all. Young Matthew Parri Thomas (who says he would like to be a music magazine editor when he grows up) has requested a Haiku about Haiku. The normal response to this is 'f*** you', but why not? Here's a classic Haiku about someone not understanding what a tautology is (and I'm not even sure if this technically is one).

 

Haiku Haiku

Tautology, eh?
Ah've nae notion fit that is!
Haiku ah get though.

 

I'm really starting to flag now and this shall be my final poem of the day (for, yes, it is indeed National Poetry Day, where have you been?) Young Iain Allan from Lhanbryde is a big fan of politics and would like to go into a cabinet with a Minister some day...and, speaking of dodgy religious nutters, he'd like an ode to Mitt Romney and Mormonism. Well, this is about all I have left, Iain, so I hope you enjoy it. There's a fairly serious (if fucking obvious) message attached.

 

No Thanks, Mr Romney

I just discovered that 'no thanks, mr romney'
Is an anagram of 'mormon tanks, henry!'
If tanks aren't forthcoming they'll come with their knives
These latter day saints will marry our wives
And cart them all off to bunk up with their Moms
Working their days making nuclear bombs
Now, that's just a joke but it's not all in jest
An elephant vote is a vote for unrest

Until next year!